When I am alone..

It is rather funny. When you try to live how spiritual teachers claim to be good and right, you find yourself, when living this way, quite lonely for the first time. I mean, really alone, you see all the other people, friends, family, collegues, and you think: well, this is all good and fine, but none of them can really help me with that. And then you are kind of forced to look directly at yourself. And by this I mean, really and honestly look at oneself, with all the uglyness and edges, all the love and the absence of love. When you are by yourself long enough and you do not try to run away, realizing the bottom of your being, is going to hit you like a truck on a lonesome road. There is going to be no way to escape. You are going to stand there, looking directly at that truck, but there is going to be no wish whatsoever to step aside. Because there is no need. You are hit by reality.